• Daniel Wretham

Decoding The Photographer

Updated: Jun 12, 2020

Us landscape photographers are a strange breed, we have our strange ways and rituals of which the rest of civilisation don't seem to understand but they all seem to make perfect sense to us.

God forbid you are a partner of a landscape photographer and you must spend half your life wondering what they hell they are going on about, but help is at hand.

Here is your essential guide to what they say but actually mean.

The clouds look great = love, can I go out ?

I borrowed this from a friend = Ive bought my own and hoping you won't notice

Moody seascape = There was no light but I wanted to post something anyway

Im going to stay home this weekend and help you with the jobs = The weathers crap

Im busy working = Im on Instagram

My camera is playing up = Im laying foundations to get a new one

Car park location = I couldn't be bothered to walk

Its looking tasty = sunset might be nice

Its all gonna go off = Im expecting an epic sunset but will probably be disappointed

There will be others = I wasn't allowed out and missed a belter of a sunset

I love you so much = Can I go out please

I've bought you a new handbag = Im going to buy a camera and don't want you to be mad

It was just nice to be out = I didn't get a single shot

Treasure Hunter = Weathers crap, I'll find old pictures to re edit

I'll edit your picture = I've run out of pictures to edit

I'll edit your picture *V2 = Your edit is terrible, I can do it better

Im an Influencer = My ego is huge, make way

The mistress = Your camera, partners often show excessive jealousy towards them

Full time photographer = Unemployed

Pro = I go on weekends

Semi Pro = I own a camera

Amateur = Honest